I didn’t give my son a middle name until three years after I named him Jeremiah. I was considering the name David after one of my brothers, and I knew the Bible would help me decide for sure. I had no idea just how strikingly fitting it would be, but when I looked into the story of King David of the Bible, I knew for certain that it was definitely the right name.
At the time of my pregnancy, I was living in Wisconsin and my now husband/then fiancé was in South Carolina in the Navy. I had just returned from visiting him, where unfortunately our plan to save sex for marriage had disintegrated once we became engaged. We talked over the phone about our plans for the pregnancy and moving up the wedding date, but my mind changed back and forth daily as I struggled with trust and co-dependency issues with my family. In the end, I chose not to trust the man who I thought I had just fully given myself to. I suddenly learned how far away from marriage engagement actually is in our modern times.
My communication skills have improved a little since then, but they were on a negative scale at the time. I thought I had communicated my final decision and the date of my appointment at the abortion clinic with my fiance, but apparently, I had not. When he returned from a three-day training at sea he called me saying, “I wanted to talk to you about that THING one more time.” My stomach dropped and I hurriedly replied, “It’s done.” I didn’t want to cause him any false hope because the deed had already been done, two days before.
King David committed some deeds of his own. He had a woman who was not his wife, Bathsheba, brought to him, got her pregnant and then caused her husband to be killed in order to cover up his actions. God sent a messenger to David to help him see what he had done. “When [Bathsheba] heard that her husband was dead, she mourned for him. After the time of mourning was over, David had her brought to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son. But the THING David had done displeased the Lord.” 2 Samuel 11:26-27.
The THING. It was the word my fiancé used to talk about my abortion. I was instantly cut to the heart when I read those words, as the THING I had done also displeased the Lord. Just as David committed a second sin to hide his first sin, I had done exactly the same THING. I had an abortion to hide my pre-marital pregnancy. I had considered my family’s desires, and my fiance’s desires, and probably even felt some self-pity for being pulled in two different directions. But I had not considered the life of my child. Yes, David was the perfect middle name for my son.
But this was not the end of the story. God called King David, “a man after my own heart,” Acts 13:22, and this was after his awful deeds. After David realized what he had done and that he had displeased the Lord, he repented and asked God to, “create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10 (see my blog on this verse, Day 3). This prayer of David became my prayer, for a pure heart, and a steadfast and unwavering faith in my Lord. This pure heart is defined in the Hebrew Lexicon as more than just the heart, but a pure and clean mind, knowledge, thinking, reflection and memory. How incredible to imagine, a change of heart through God can lead to a full body and spirit transfomation. How is this possible?
Praise be to God, I have a Savior who is able to do this because He committed a glorious deed on my behalf. He hung on the cross with my burdens and sins heaped upon him and cried out his last victorious words, “It is finished.” John 19:30. It’s eerily striking to me what similar words I used for such a different deed. My defeated cry of, “It’s done,” to my fiance lingered into my inner unspoken thoughts, “and it can’t ever be undone.” Well, Jesus took all my sin to the cross, including my abortion, and my deeds are as if they were never done.
Although I still have to live with the consequences of purposely choosing to end my child’s life, I am fully forgiven, and I will see my child in heaven. Oh that I could go back in time and make a different decision and spend my time here on Earth with my child… But because of the grace of my redeeming Lord and His transforming power for my heart and mind, I don’t have to live in the past. Jesus gives a hope that is sure and true.