Have you ever prayed for a sign to help you make a decision? I have.
I was not a Christian at the time of my abortion. I believed in God, and I in fact prayed to Him constantly, but I did not know who Jesus was. Well, I did know the baby Jesus who lay in the manger under our Christmas tree every year, but I didn’t know the man He grew into and the ultimate act He carried out for us on the cross.
I did not know the Bible either, so I did not have a strong foundation to my faith. Sadly when I asked God if He was ok with me having an abortion, I did not go to the Bible for guidance. Instead, I prayed for a sign. Now I know that God can give us signs, and Jesus provided signs and miracles when He was here on Earth. But what I didn’t know then was that our enemy is an imitator of God and can provide us with signs too.
As I’ve shared on Day 5, I had not gone to my dad for advice. I was too afraid to let him down. I had my abortion appointment scheduled, I knew how much money I would need, and I knew that I was $80 short. The day before my appointment my dad called me over to his house next door. He knew I had gone to the dentist several weeks prior, and that I had paid $80 for my teeth cleaning. I had not asked him to help me with this cost, but when I walked in the door, he handed me $80.
“What’s this for?” I asked in surprise.
“For your dental expenses,” he answered and then walked away to the kitchen for dinner. Wow, that was the sign I was looking for. I instantly felt that God was telling me it was ok to go ahead with my decision.
What I’ve learned since then is that any sign we believe we’ve received needs to agree with the Bible, and if it doesn’t, then it wasn’t from God. It’s taken me several years of reflection, Bible study and prayer to recognize layer upon layer of my own issues like pride and selfishness before I could take full responsibility for my actions. Once I did, though, I was able to let go of all the justifications that I had allowed myself to believe in order to live with my decision. What’s more, is that I was able then to more fully receive God’s forgiveness.
Once I started to dig deeper in my memory and recall the details of the events leading me up to and through my abortion decision and carrying it out, I realized that there were signs, escape routes, if you will, that could have helped me see that God did not want me to go through with it after all. If I hadn’t turned off my brain in order to numb my senses from the process, I might have been more keen to these opposite signs.
The ability to understand the potential dangers of signs or other influences that the wisdom of the Bible provides is one of the reasons I’ve come to love the Bible so much. I’ve experienced to such an extreme the fallibility of my emotions and logic that I crave the deep riches of knowledge that I find in the pages and stories throughout the Bible. To me, it’s not a rulebook meant to hold me back, but my heavenly Father’s guide to help me live life the way He created me to live it, with joy and freedom, and in relationship with Him.
These are just a few of my favorite verses speaking of the life-giving wisdom of God’s Word:
- “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.” Proverbs 14:12
- “As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him.” Psalm 18:30
- “Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good.” Psalm 25:7
- “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.” Psalm 32:8
As a child, I never liked it when an adult said, “I’ve got my eye on you!” It would put me on edge. But coming from God, the knowledge that He desires to teach and instruct me while actively and lovingly looking upon me brings great peace and comfort. I’m especially thankful for the accessibility of God’s Word here in our country. Needless to say, I don’t seek out signs any more. Instead I seek greater and fuller understanding of His life-giving Word to guide me through this chaotic and confusing world.